Father's Day Weekend

This weekend was full of fathers. On Saturday, my mother, father, Rhys, and I decided to go up to Aberdeen, Idaho to celebrate Father's Day with the rest of my dad's family. It was about a 4 hour drive from our house, to mom and dad's house to Aberdeen. Rhys was a trooper the entire time--what a good boy, playing with his toys, drinking his bottle, and sleeping in the car. Justin decided to stay to go golfing and work on a few house projects that have been put off long enough (and now he'd be able to do it without a baby and a wife hanging on his legs).

We had lunch with my paternal grandparents, my aunt, and some of her kids. I love visiting with this family. My dad is the youngest in his family, and started a family later in his 20s, so all my cousins are in their late 30s. So, now that I'm an adult, and a married woman, and a mother, I feel I was able to join in their conversations.

Rhys is the youngest cousin and great-grandbaby on that side, so he was the center of attention.

Grandpa having more fun than Rhys with his toy motorcycle.

Rhys embracing his farmboy genes.

Playing Peek-a-boo with Cousin Corey's hat

Telling Aunt Bobette a story

This is Rhys's new thing--he'll get up from a crawl to stand, but then realize he can look under his legs.

He also had so much fun playing with the cooler, taking ice out, trying to eat it, giving ice to everyone, taking water and soda out and then putting them back in.

We got back to Utah very late, but Rhys was such a champ the entire day. He was very well behaved and very social. And that was the first time he was meeting most of those relatives.

However, when we got back home at 10:40PM, we found Daddy coughing. He hadn't been feeling well all day--after 6 whole months of Rhys and I being continually sick with sinus infection after sinus infection, Justin finally caught what we had.

So, we didn't go to church yesterday, and stayed home taking care of Daddy. We also let Daddy stay in his pajamas, so we didn't take any pictures.

But, to honor Justin for Father's Day on this blog, I grabbed all of my favorite pictures of him and Rhys from this past year. Justin has been such an amazing father and husband this past year. He has been filled to the brim with patience when I have lost mine. He dotes on Rhys to no end. His eyes shine whenever Rhys smiles and acknowledges him. Rhys absolutely loves his daddy and already looks up to him. I am so glad to have Justin as the father of my children.

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8 Ways to Encourage Your Kids with Rahab to Riches

As Rhys is growing (he's almost one year old, holy cow!), I trying to take what I have learned from Love and Logic and my teaching experience of preteens, to be the best, positive mom for Rhys. I've also done a ton of research reading baby books, forums, online articles, pediatric websites, etc. Many are saying to lessen the praise and be strict because you don't want to continue more generations of entitled kids who turn into entitled adults. But, I don't agree with that philosophy. I believe that we should encourage our children all the time. 

My friend, Miranda from Rahab to Riches, feels the same way. She has five children, so is a bit more experienced than me in parenting. She says, "Everyone needs to be encouraged from time to time. It is what makes us keep going when we want to give up. It makes hard things seem a little easier. It gives us hope when all seems dark. Children are no different. They need to feel encouraged, maybe even more so than adults."

So, together, we have come up with 8 ways to encourage your kids, no matter what the age.

Miranda:

1) Get on their level

I don't mean their height level, although that is always a good idea when talking to a child. I mean get on their interest level. Do activities that they like to do. Read the books that they want to read. Talk about what they want to talk about and listen. I mean really listen to what they have to say. I know as a busy mom of 5, I can listen to my children without really hearing them. I am surrounded by chatter all day, so it is easy for me to tune them out. But it is not okay.

When one of my children is talking to me, even if it is about Velociraptor's eating habits for the gazillionth time, I need to stop what I am doing, look them in the eye, and give them the benefit of my undivided attention. Ask questions, don't just give the boxed "That's nice, honey" response. Children are very perceptive and they can definitely tell when you are giving them the brush off.

It can be discouraging to feel like you are misunderstood or that nobody really shares your interests. It may be hard to get as excited about something as they are, but that is why you need to be intentional about it. Make a choice to encourage your children in their interests. Having you share their enthusiasm will mean the world to them!

2) Say YES more than NO

If you are anything like me, No is a response that is quick to leave your lips. With 5 children asking and needing something from me countless times a day, it is often easier to say No. This week, I have started saying Yes more. Yes, you can go play in the backyard. Yes, you can go barefoot. Yes, we can go to the dollar scoop night at Baskin Robbins. Yes, I will print you out some pictures of dinosaurs and princesses to color.

I realize that as a parent we can't say Yes to everything all the time. Some things are just downright dangerous or inappropriate, and we would be foolish to say Yes in those circumstances. Some days we are just so busy that anything not currently happening just isn't going to get done. But what if we said Yes every chance we got? I bet our children would be happier and not so discouraged when we had to say No.

3) Make a BIG deal out of their accomplishments

Again, with multiple children it can be hard to "oooh" and "aaah" over every single colored page shoved into my face for approval. I can't tell you how many butterflies, dinosaurs, and family drawings I see every week. I really can't-I would lose count! Still, just because that picture looks exactly like the other 15 I've seen today doesn't mean that my child spent any less time and attention on it.

Children learn by repetition. That is why they watch the same show over and over and over and over, and want the exact same bedtime story for 3 months in a row, and how they can memorize songs, scriptures, and poetry so easily. It makes sense that the same would go for drawings, or facts that they've learned that they want to tell you about all day. It really takes me no extra time to boost their spirits by exclaiming how great of a job they did and how much I love it. On the other hand, it could crush their spirit if I didn't care.

The same goes for sports games and music recitals. Life gets busy and sometimes it can be easier to just drop the kids off, or spend the time on the phone instead of watching. But I know that when my kids look out at me on the sidelines and I am sitting there genuinely interested in what is going on, their face lights up and they are on top of the world. It may be "just another event" to you, but to them it is everything.

4) Encourage your children to step out of their comfort zones

My oldest daughter has extreme stage fright. The first time she had to give a camp testimony in front of the church, she couldn't even get a word out before she ran off crying. So a few months later when another opportunity arose for her to say a few things in front of the church,
I told her she didn't have toI practiced with her for days about what she would say. I signed her up for piano lessons so that she would have the opportunity to perform in front of people, and I encouraged her to join the teen choir.

She is still shy about speaking in front of people, and we joke that her testimonies are always the quickest and quietest, but at least she is doing them. We have seen a vast improvement. My husband, who is great at speaking in front of people, has worked with her and given her pointers. And I always make sure to let her know what a great job she did.

The same goes for my middle daughter. Her and my son are only 17 months apart, so they really have never done anything alone their whole lives. She wanted to play soccer because he was playing, but when she realized that she was going to be on a team without her brother, she wanted to quit before we even got to the first practice. We prayed and coaxed and conceded that if she absolutely hated it she wouldn't have to go back. And you know what? She loved it! All she wants to do is play soccer, and just finished her second season.

When you encourage your children to step outside their comfort zones, it proves to them that they are capable. Just be sure to be there to dust them off when they fall and tell them how much you love them and how proud you are of them.

Tayler:

5) Give them responsibility

This works both with children and with students. If you show them that you trust them, they will be more willing to do more. With students, even though they are in Junior High, I give them responsibilities--cleaning, filing, running errands. When I leave a room, I put one of the trouble makers or strugglers in charge, and you should see the weight on their shoulders--they really step up to the plate. Now with Rhys, he's not even one yet. But, I have him do some small things: he has to put his bath toys away (and we cheer him on as he does), throws away his own diapers (and we cheer him on as he does), and he even tries to help buckle himself in (and we thank him). We ask him to put things here, or bring things there, and he loves doing it. If you follow my Instagram, he even wanted to push the grocery cart earlier this week!

6) Thank them for what they do

No matter what age, children love being thanked. Every time Rhys gives us a kiss, or does something we ask him to, we thank him. When he sleeps well during a nap or at night, or finishes a bottle, we thank him. He smiles. Even at the tender age of 11.5 months, he's starting to see the gratitude and smiles on our face and he likes it. In Jr. High, I thank students for answers, for completing homework, for doing something I asked them to. I tell them how proud I am of them. And guess what, I get a bigger effort the next day! Plus, when you show good manners, children will pick it up!

7) Make it a game

Whatever they need help with, play with them, make it a game. Kind of like Miranda's idea of "Getting on their level". There was a long time when Rhys had the ability to stand up by himself, until he noticed, then he got a scared face and sat back down. But, we made it a game trying to help him want to stand up. The same with him walking. We'd be silly as he stumbled/lunged toward each of us and finally, one day, it caught on. We also make our chores a game and are silly, and Rhys wants to be part of it. For older students, it works too. I had to teach my students how to label and diagram sentences. Yuck. Boring. But, then, I decided to do diagram racing for the last 5-10 minutes of each period. It was competitive. It was fun. And there were rewards. They loved learning new concepts in grammar to one-up their classmates in the diagram races.

8) Reward them

Now, that doesn't mean go buy them a new game or a dinner. If you have behavior charts, or chore charts, piece by piece works. Have them work up toward a goal, then give them a tangible reward. With Rhys, recently, he's been a poor eater. So, whenever he actually finishes a meal, we'd thank him, praise him, then we'd give him a strawberry, which is his favorite! Working up towards rewards work with older students too. I had a high standard of my students. I expected all of them to get an 80% or higher on all assessments. So, each time they did, I'd give them a star sticker. They collected these star stickers throughout the year and we had an amazing auction at the end of the year. They would boast to each other how many star stickers they had and would study hard to get them. My mom would encourage my siblings and I by rewarding us with a later bedtime. There are many different rewards you can give!

...Edit: After I published this I realized one more big way you can encourage your children!
Bonus: Encourage them to follow their dreams!
My mom didn't judge me for deciding to study Welsh rather than Spanish (I mean, not even the majority of people in Wales speak Welsh!). She encouraged me as I got my degree in teaching, and not something that would be more financially secure. She is allowing my baby sister to follow her dreams of baking, dancing, playing flute, whatever her teenage dreams happen to be at the time.  I think that is a big, important thing to encourage kids to follow their dreams. Not only does it validate their dreams and interests, but it allows them to believe they can achieve anything.

 Do you have any other ways that you encourage your children?

About Miranda from Rahab to Riches

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Miranda is a work-at-home, homeschooling mom to 5 children ranging in age from teen to newborn. She likes finding the joy in her daily life, and is always looking for ways to improve as a wife, mother, and Christian. You can follow along with her family and their adventures over at Rahab to Riches, where you will find posts ranging from travel, to parenting, to healthy living. Once a teen mom and drug addict, Rahab to Riches stemmed from the desire to show people that your past does not define you, it's possible to break the cycle, and you can start today to build a better future. With God all things are possible!

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Half a Year! Rhys is 6 Months Old!

Dear Rhys Michael,
I find it hard to believe that you are half a year old. You are growing mentally and socially so very fast and it amazes us to see your progress!

It was quite the whirlwind, this month, with freezing temperatures and going all over Utah and Idaho to visit family. You had the time of your life playing with your grandparents, aunts and uncles, and puppies in Farmington. You also loved meeting your 10 month old cousin, Kate, although she was only half-enjoying herself. When we went to visit Justin's family, you loved watching your young boy cousins tumble and rumble around the room and you ate up all the attention from the grandparents and aunts and uncles you hardly see. You have gotten a butt-load of toys and clothes from everyone and we are pretty set for a few months!

Weight: 15.5 pounds, 13th percentile (5 months: 14 pounds, 8th percentile)
Height: 26 inches, 23rd percentile   (5 months: 24.75 inches, 7th percentile)
Nicknames: Bucky, Rhysie, Stinker-butt, Baby Boy

Eating and Teething
You have 5 bottles a day of 6 ounces. You still spit up a ton, and Momma still doesn't like it. But, you aren't eating during the night because you've been settling yourself back to sleep pretty quickly. (Well, that was before Christmas Break...) You also have rice cereal about an hour after your first morning bottle, and a veggie or fruit for dinner (again, Christmas Break kind of ruined that routine...). You absolutely love eating and you hyperventilate and immediately start moving towards your food once you see it.

You like:
- rice cereal (next time we'll buy brown rice, oat, or rice with banana)
- peas (your absolute favorite! you hyperventilate, exclaim your excitement, and wave your hands around--just like Momma--it's my favorite veggie!)
- bananas
- green beans
- sweet potatoes
- bread, especially fried bread...especially donuts (we give you very tiny little bites)

You dislike: (more like your body disagrees, but you still enjoy the flavor)
- carrots
- sweet potatoes (you've only had it once, right before you got sic, so we're not sure)

You are still drooling excessively, incessantly chomping and sucking, and sometimes you'll get fussy for no reason. Your lower gums look a little white and feel warm. I saw on a forum that one baby had teething symptoms starting at 4 months, then, all at once got the first 4 teeth at 7 months. I hope that's not you, Baby Boy!

Sleeping
Daytime: The first half of this month, you did excellent! You were taking 2 two-hour naps and a short 45-60 minute one in late afternoon/early evening. I'd rock you for a couple of minutes, put you in your crib, and you'd fall asleep on your own. However, during Christmas Break, that changed and you took anywhere from three or four 45 minute to 2 hour naps after I rocked and rocked and sang and sang. Now, we are trying to get you back to how it was before.

Nightime: The first half of the month, you were amazing with your nighttime sleep. You would resettle yourself during the night, and sleep in until 7:30-8:00AM. It was so nice to get good sleep! But, during vacation, you were in a pack-n-play next to squeaky beds that Momma and Daddy slept in, with a busy, loud house. Not what you were used to at all. Plus, you were going through a growth spurt! You'd wake up 5+ times a night and sometimes we'd have to spend 20 minutes resettling you, sometimes even resorting to midnight drives and 5AM mini-feeding while laying in bed with us. Then, you'd squirm and wake between 6:00-6:30. Joy. You are still acting like that, except it's back to around 3 wakings rather than 5+.

Relationships and Socializing
You are a big flirt! Everyone you meet and greet gets at least a smile, but girls get a smile, squirms, and non-stop coo's. You love playing with other babies, although they are all older than you and able to crawl and pull themselves up. You also like to crawl over to Momma and nuzzle your head in my lap until I pick you up, then you give a big hug! Over the weekend, you even gave Momma a few intentional kisses! You are starting to get a little bit of separation anxiety. If Momma and Daddy both leave the room, you start to fuss until we're back in your sight. Daddy and you have a new rolling game, and you laugh every time you play it.

Milestones
Milestones hit at 5 months:
- razzing and raspberry sounds
- pivoting while scooting, getting up on hands and knees
- beginning to sit up

Talking: You talk almost non-stop now. Your new favorite sound is the raspberry with your tongue sticking out. You also make an "oh-ma" sound that we're pretty sure means "mom" since you always look at me or try to find me while you say it.

Mobility: You lift up on your hands and knees, lift up and move your knees, then rock back and forth, unsure what to do next (you can't figure out to lift up your hands, yet), then belly flop onto the floor. Scooting is still your main mode of transportation. You also lift up all the way onto your feet, like you are doing the yoga move, downward facing dog. We wonder if you'll learn to pull yourself up and walk before crawling. You've also discovered small spaces like "canyons" and "tunnels" and love to try to squeeze through them! You are also able to scoot over arms and small legs.


Sitting: You can sit by yourself now, and you're pretty good with getting back into a scooting position. Though sometimes, you'll still fall over. While scooting, you'll look back at something behind you and try to sit, but you can't do it just yet. We let you sit unaided in the tub now, although we are constantly watching you, as we don't want you to bonk your head or face plant into the water.

Pulling Up and Standing: You can't do this on your own yet. But, if there is something easy to hold, like a wire cage (the puppies' cage), you can stand up for a few seconds. If we raise you up on your feet and grab your hands, sometimes you'll start to take steps!

Playing and Problem Solving: We got you a few balls and you absolutely love them. You've figured out how to roll the ball while on your stomach, and you'll spend a long time rolling it, excitedly hyperventilating and chasing after it, then doing it again.You really enjoy books and trying to turn the pages. You are beginning to follow Momma and Daddy's fingers as they point to thins on the page. If a toy gets thrown or pushed under the couch, you will try to get it.
You absolutely love bathtime! You have recently discovered the thrill and joy and splashing in the water and we think it is too cute. You've also discovered the drain and try to grab it. You've also discovered vents in the floor and try to figure those out.
You like car rides now as you enjoy looking out the windows at the cars or the scenery. It keeps you contented. You also discovered that if you turn your head and look up, you can see Momma as she looks back at your from the driver's seat.
You like being thrown up in the air (I don't let go of you) and being tickled by puppets.

Personality
You are the most curious boy I've ever seen. You want to play with everything, talk to everyone, and chew on anything. You've been a bit more fussy this month, but that's probably from teething and being away from home so much. We also thin kyou might be getting a cold, or something.  However, you are smiling more and laughing. Your laugh is infectious and almost moves me to tears, I love hearing it so much!

Likes:
- playing, especially with balls
- sitting up
- watching cartoons or sports
- scooting through tunnels
- reading
- food, of any kind!
- playing with and cuddling with Momma and Daddy
- bathtime, especially splashing

Dislikes:
- getting frustrated
- getting stuck
- carrots
- getting dressed or undressed
- being startled

Momma and Daddy hope and wish you feel better, get your teeth soon, and are able to get back to a good sleep schedule like you had last month! But, we are astounded with how much you are growing and we are so happy you have moved up in growth percentiles. It is hard for us to fathom we've had you for 6 months and soon you 'll be walking and talking and feeding yourself. We are excited for the times ahead, but also already nostalgic for when you were a newborn.

You are our pride and joy, Rhys, and we love you to the ends of the Earth and beyond.

Love,
Momma and Daddy

Bringing Up Bebe Review

I finished reading Bringing Up Bebe by Pamela Druckerman quite a few weeks ago and I'm just barely getting to writing the review. This book is about an American woman who marries a Brit and moves to France. She raises her daughter and twin boys there, trying to adapt to the French parenting culture and comparing the overwhelming success of French parenting to the struggles of American parenting.

I really liked this book. It had great ideas for parenting, showing how other children are taken care of in other countries. Now, as a teacher, I'm always interested in the opportunities and ways children are raised in other countries. Their scores are much higher than kids in the U.S. on average. Is there a correlation? I definitely think so.

I started reading Bringing Up Bebe after I gave birth, so I didn't read the chapters on pregnancy.

Post-Partum 
It talked about how women and babies were treated in the hospital the first few days. Women in France are basically all given epidural. I had an epidural myself because I have a low pain threshold, but I'll tell you what--the epidural was really scary and painful...but after it kicked in, the rest of the labor was smooth sailing. So, I will always get an epidural, but hate the process. Women in French maternity wards are given wonderful things to eat after birth. I was given a "special post-birth" dinner of "steak" which was more like country fried steak...blech. Most French women also give their babies immediately to the nursery. I wanted my first born with me, and, after the second night of no sleep, allowed them to take Rhys for four hours. It was nice, but I felt so guilt ridden at the time. Not now. They also definitely suggest getting help the first few weeks. I am so thankful for my mom who was with me every day while Justin worked and finished school.

Maternity Leave and Childcare
Women in France are also given a mandatory, paid maternity leave. I didn't take maternity leave because Justin didn't have a job yet, and it would've been unpaid. We had just moved and had all the hospital bills, so we needed some sort of an income. Even if Justin did have a job at the time, I would've been a little hesitant to take maternity leave because I hate having a substitute for even one day, and it wasn't paid! But, if it had been paid, I wouldn't have had any worries at all.

France's government also gives family subsidies for putting their children in daycare. How nice would that have been! I had been searching from May-mid-September for daycare for Rhys. Every place I called was either way out of budget, or full with a long waiting list. It would've taken more than half of my paycheck to pay for childcare. That is why some moms either work full-time or not at all because part-time wouldn't have made childcare worth it. Thankfully, I have a wonderful babysitter who is a close friend to one of my coworkers and is very reasonable with the price.

Feeding
French mothers don't nurse, but immediately use formula. I, however, liked nursing (even if Rhys didn't). As the babies get to be 4-6 months, they immediately start them on pureed veggies and fruit, skipping the starchy rice cereal. They don't believe babies are picky eaters--they say babies "don't like" foods because they just aren't used to them yet,s o parents need to keep trying and giving them a chance. I like this idea. I don't believe I am a picky eater. Justin used to be a very picky eater. I don't want my children to be picky eaters, so I like this idea of keep trying. I also remember seeing a youtube series of a Japanese mom who would give her 3 year old international and foreign foods, and she loved it! I can only hope the same for Rhys! He's been eating rice cereal for a month now and loves it. He also just had his first taste of carrots yesterday and loved it (as evident by the huge mess it made!). French parents also don't let their kids snack, which I don't necessarily agree with. I'll let my kids snack, but I'm going to try to make sure they are healthy snacks...fruits and veggies and the like. My 9 year old niece surprised me yesterday. Thanksgiving wouldn't be served for two more hours, and she was hungry. We had donuts for breakfast, and there were more left, but she asked her mom, "Could I have an apple?" I want Rhys to be like that!

Sleep
One of the ideas that I really liked in Bringing Up Bebe is the 5 minute pause. By 3 months, most French babies are "doing their nights" or sleeping through the night. Rhys has only done that once and is four and half months old. I don't expect him to yet (even if some of my friends' babies who are his age do and even though I really want him to).We put Rhys to bed around 7:30 and then we do the 5 minute pause. Typically Rhys can resettle himself within those 5 minutes, otherwise, we go in and we put his pacy back in. we feed him when he wakes up between 1-3:30AM. We also do the 5 minute pause during naps, and I think this waiting has actually helped him sleep better both day and night!

Behavior
The book also mentions about manners for children. In American, children are spoiled rotten. They are full of entitlement. No, I'm not just talking stereotypically. I'm talking from experience of being a teacher and dealing with preteens every day. When we meet with their parents, they blame the teacher. When we meet with their parents, they give us every excuse and defend their child. When we meet with the parents, they say their child is trying a new medication because they have ADD. I don't believe medicating your child is the answer. Sometimes it is because sometimes it actually helps if your child actually has disorders like ADD, but many parents believe their children are on the spectrum because they act out or don't understand something as quickly. (That is actually a whole other post!) The author noticed that French children didn't have temper tantrums like American kids did.

One of the biggest French parenting philosophies is cadre, which is basically freedom with limits. The children know their boundaries, but within those boundaries, they have a lot of freedom--they just know they can take an inch. I like this idea. It kind of fits into the LDS philosophy...God gave us commandments and those commandments make us freer (because we are free from negative consequences). Children are expected to show all adults respect. I was raised this way because my dad was in the military, so I said "Yes, ma'am" and "No, sir" to every adult. The way I acted reflected on my dad in the military, so behavior was important. Typically, children in the South are brought up this way as well. I really want Rhys to know respect as well.

Independence
The one thing that shocked the author was that her kindergartner girl was expected to go on an almost-week-long field trip with her class and teacher. In today's age, American parents would frea about that. There are a ton of helicopter parents out there and try to keep their children from feeling any hurt or disappointment at all. I don't believe in that. I love Rhys, but I want him to explore and get skinned knees. I want him to get bumped and bruised while learning how to crawl, sit, stand, and walk. That way, he becomes brave and sure of himself and will always want to challenge himself. I want him to be a kid and curious. I also want him to struggle and fail sometimes. That way, he can know how to overcome adversity. I had some 9th graders last year who couldn't do any work because they didn't know how to ask for help, or they thought they had to wait for our permission to get a new pencil. So, this year, I have a sign in my classroom that says, "Be a problem solver". Rhys will grow up trying his best first, then asking for help my advocating for himself.

I really liked this book. There are a few things I didn't like. One of those was it seemed that the French parents believed they were more important than their kids--their wants came before their children's. It was very pro-detachment parenting. Now, I'm all for kids going off on their own and learning to play independently and take care of themselves, but not at such a young age.

But, the bottom line seemed to be how to not let kids become picky, needy, entitled brats, and I like that. It is a(n imperfect) guide to making kids independent, happy, open-minded, respectful, and mature.

I'd definitely recommend reading it, no matter the age of your kids.

How My 4-Month Old Made His Own Decision to Stop Nursing

If you remember, on Wednesday with Rhys's 4 Month Update, I noted that I had stopped nursing Halloween weekend. Sadly, it wasn't my choice...it was Rhys's.

I had always wanted to nurse. It wasn't because Rhys would give immunities (that was a plus, though). It wasn't because it was the cheaper way (although that really helped us). It wasn't because it is the "all-natural experience" like natural birthing and attachment-baby-led parenting, and baby wearing (although those parents who do all that, good for them).

No. It was because I wanted to. I was becoming a mother, and to me, that is the epitome of motherhood. I mean, how much closer can you be when your child needs you and your body produces exactly what they need? The bond is just so strong. I can't even explain it. It felt like Rhys and I were one and the same. The love that exuded during those nursing sessions was the exact same love I felt for Justin on the day we were sealed for all time and eternity.

While I was pregnant, I remember hearing and reading all these horror stories about cracking and bleeding and bruising the first few weeks. My obstetrician even gave me a prescription for a cream. He said, "You have red hair, and red head's skin tend to be more sensitive." I know it would hurt the first few weeks, and that is why many women give up in the first few weeks.

The first week or so, Rhys did have trouble with latching, and I was pretty banged up. However, although I was very sore for the first few minutes, I loved every single time I could nurse him. And, I felt proud of myself. It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be to endure. And, I don't even like using the word endure, because I feel that is too strong.

Since I started teaching a month and half after I gave birth to Rhys, he has been taking one bottle a day of pumped milk. Well, Rhys got sick at 2.5 months old. He had a really bad sore throat, and nursing was extraordinarily hard for him. One day, he tried to nurse for less than 5 minutes, then just screamed and screamed and screamed. So, my mom came and helped me. We warmed up some of my frozen milk, but I didn't have much of a supply. So, after we fed him, we went to go get some formula to help him through the weekend with his sore throat.

After a lot of milk or formula bottles that weekend, Rhys was kind of finicky nursing. Some days he'd be willing to nurse. Other times, he'd want the immediate satisfaction of the bottle. My supply started to decrease. So, I went off birth control, took fenugreek pills, and tried pumping more. I'd try to make Rhys nurse, but as he got more aware and distracted and liking the instant ease of the bottle, he'd always push away from me, take a suck, then detach, or just scream until I stopped forcing him. At about 3 months, he wouldn't even dare nursing right before bed--he'd only take a bottle. So, I pumped and pumped at home and at work, in the morning, noon, and night. But, what I was able to pump was less and less, which I didn't understand as I knew I had more of a supply.

Then, at about 3.5 months, Rhys was taking half of his feedings from a bottle (only the afternoon feeding would be my milk, taken from about 4-5 pumping sessions to get 4 oz!!). Well, Halloween weekend came along and we went up to Farmington to house sit. I brought my pump and some formula, preparing for more fights. During that 3 day weekend, Rhys was only willing to nurse once or twice!

So, Sunday evening, after crying to Justin, we decided to give up on nursing. It was such a hard decision. I had done everything I could to keep up my supply, and it had increased a little. I had tried different positions, I had tried switch-feeding. But Rhys wouldn't have it. I felt like a failure. I felt like he was personally refusing me. Now, I know that wasn't the truth in the least, but imagine how you would feel if you spent all the time and effort in the world to provide someone you love with something they need, and they refuse it! But, Rhys didn't want to. And, with everything in parenthood, we wanted to do what was best for Rhys. He made his first decision about his lifestyle. He was done nursing, and there was nothing I could do about it.

I am still trying to 100% come to grips and accept this choice, but there is still part of me that wishes Rhys would be willing to nurse. I understand that there was an unavoidable habit formed due to sickness and being at a babysitter's (and my stress level probably didn't help), but I yearn to nurse him again. I know he got the right start--almost 4 months worth of nursing--and I know he is on the right track with milestones (except his weight gain is problematic, but that is another post). And, I do enjoy watching him try to hold the bottle on his own and reach for it as soon as he sees it.

The two lessons learned:
1) Doing what is best for your baby may be doing what they want and not what you want.
2) You can fill the trough and lead the horse to the water, but you can't force him to drink.

Did you nurse, and if so, for how long?

When did you know it was time to move to bottles only?

Check out this astounding-looking girl!

You Aren't a Bad Parent If...

There are so many different parenting philosophies out there. And, for the most part, if you don't do what they say, you are a bad parent. Same thing applies to mid-wives tales--bad parent! Common sense--bad parent! Not the average baby--bad parents. Not being to understand your baby or trust your instincts--bad parent.

Well, I've only been a parent for 3.5 months, but I am here to say, you are not a bad parent. You are only a bad parent if you abuse your child or completely ignore or abandon your child. In these three and half months, I've done several things with Rhys that some might say was bad parenting, but it worked for me, and more importantly, works for him. Thus, I am not a bad parent.

So, I've compiled a list to alleviate you mothers (and me) of any guilt we may have of being a "bad parent."

-- You let your baby have a pacy past 3 months, or give it to him before they are 1 month old!

-- You don't take out dairy in your diet to be safe (for a while, I thought Rhys had a milk allergy since he is the spit up monster. So, I didn't have dairy for a week, but no difference in the volume of spit-up)

-- You read all the baby sleep books possible and look at baby forums every time you worry about something.

--You let your baby rock in the swing without buckling him (but are in the same room).

--You don't always turn around in the car when you hit a red light to put his pacy back in since he's screaming.

-- You turn around in the car when you hit a red light and desperately try to grab his pacy that's fallen out of his mouth, then keep your arm twisted backwards to rub his cheek or hold his hand until he falls asleep.

-- You aren't co-sleeping with him, but when he is ill or having a terrible time with a growth spurt, then yes, you do..

-- You do pull him into bed with you when he cries between 5-6 AM since you are getting up at 7 AM and don't want to give up your own precious sleep time rocking him.

-- You take naps with him on your bed.

-- You let him take almost all his daytime naps in your bed covered by your sheets because he sleeps more soundly in your bed.

-- You lay blankets on him during the day rather than always swaddling him.

-- You take him on early morning runs at the time of his morning nap, hoping he'd fall asleep, but he cries for most of the run.

-- You continue your run, even though he's crying. (You try comforting him by retrieving his pacy, and talking soothingly to him.)

-- You already use his middle name in a lovingly stern voice to try and teach him that yes, he can be patient, and no, he doesn't need to fuss anymore. You also remind him that he is a big boy and you love him and will take care of him.

-- Half of his feedings are formula because ever since his cold at 2.5 months, he's not really liked exerting the energy and patience to nurse, and your milk supply has decreased, even though you are doing numerous things to increase it.

-- You sit him in his Bumbo chair on the kitchen table or counter while you cook, clean or eat, even though the directions specifically say not to place it on the counter.

-- During his first month, you enforced tummy time for at least 3 sessions of 5 minutes per day, even though he didn't like it. Turns out, this was a good thing. He now loves tummy time. At 7.5 weeks, he was consistently rolling over on his back, and now at 3.5 months, he is inch-worming across the carpet.

-- You are grateful that his grandma wanted to take him for a whole day and you were excited to get housework and schoolwork done without having to care for him.

-- You work, even if it is part-time.

-- You have been going back and forth and back and forth for about a month on whether or not you should quit and be a SAHM starting next semester. You thought you had your answer, but now, you aren't so sure.

-- He hasn't started solids yet (only 3.5 months), but you are letting him lick your popsicle because he loves the new flavor and you find it exceedingly adorable.

-- You make sure to give him 6oz of formula for his last feeding (10:30PM) to help him sleep through the night.

-- You do the CIO. We haven't gotten to a full-fledged cry it out. Just the 5 minute pause. And it's been very successful at night.

-- You don't feed him in the middle of the night anymore since he slept through the night a few times. Besides, a few baby books I've read say that babies who wake at night aren't always hungry. They just finished a REM cycle and don't know how to bridge to the next one. They don't know that they can fall back to sleep themselves and believe they need to let us know they are ready to go back to sleep. If Rhys cries for 5 minutes, we go in and give him his pacy. Most of the time, he immediately falls back to sleep. If not, we'll pick him up. If he is still fussy, then that does mean that he is hungry and I will feed him.

-- You blog while he plays contently on the floor--you don't have to entertain him 24/7. Even at this young age, it's ok to let him begin to develop independent play.

-- You let your baby feel a sense of frustration before you go to him. I believe that is one of the issues with today's children--their parents didn't ever allow them to feel frustrated or unsure, nor allowed to experience failure or the word "no."

-- You put your baby on a schedule, albeit flexible.

-- You pick up the pacy off the floor and give it back to him.

-- You swaddle him, put a lovey in his crib, give him his pacy, and turn a floor fan on high to help him sleep at night.

-- You let him cry a bit while you finish showering and getting ready for work.

-- You let him watch a little bit of Baby Einstein on Youtube while you get ready for work so he won't cry.

-- You let his grandma's puppies lick his face because they are so excited for a new playmate.

What are some things that work for you, but some people might consider bad parenting?

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Baby Book Essentials

I'm an avid reader, not just of fiction, but non-fiction as well. I typically like to read history, but since I've become a mom, I've been reading a lot about parenting babies.

My friend, Brooke, gave birth to a beautiful baby girl about a week before I did and did a post about what she considers to be great baby books everyone should read. I wanted to do one of my own.

The What To Expect series is very, very useful. It's almost like an encyclopedia of knowledge. Anything and just about everything is mentioned in these books. They're organized in two different ways: the first is month by month, and the second is an almost topical organization. When I was pregnant, I loved reading week by week to see how Rhys was developing. If I wasn't feeling well, I could look up why or what to do to fix it. I also felt pretty knowledgeable about my labor and delivery, but not about my bleeding. Now, I like to read the milestones for each month so I have an idea of what Rhys can possibly achieve. For any other questions I have, I just look it up in the index.

This was a very useful book. I recommend reading it before your baby is born, then reading it again during the first week. It helped me to feel a little more confident with breastfeeding and also gave useful information about storing pumped milk and how/when to pump if you are a full-time worker or a part-time worker.

One of Justin's friends bought this book for us. It's kind of a very watered down, infographic version of What to Expect. But, they act as if the baby is a machine and this is the compilation of instructions, diagrams, and blueprints. It's hilarious. I believe that it was created for dads. There is also a Toddler Owner's Manual that I will read when Rhys gets to that age.

I actually liked this book. It had some good point. I know there's a lot of negativity towards it, but I believe the point was to suggest a good idea and make it your own. You know, the "spirit of the law" rather than the "letter of the law." For more on my thoughts about BabyWise, check out this post.

I've always wanted a baby journal, and this is perfect. It's super cute and very funny. There is also specific parts that Dads fill out, which I love that they include him in the journaling. However, this blog also acts as a baby journal, so I don't think I'll glue in pictures in the book. But, it's nice to have both a public baby journal and a private one as well.

I have a few books that I am going to start reading:

The sequel to The Baby Owner's Manual. I'm sure it'll be just as hilarious.

I've always been curious about baby signing. I think it'd be interesting and fun to learn this as a family. If it works, wonderful! If Justin and I don't really stick to the program or get lazy about it, oh well. But, it'll be fun to see Rhys learn and grow at such an early age by learning some sign language.

What other baby books do you recommend?

My Thoughts on BabyWise, Scheduling, and Sleep-Training

I'm the type of person who over analyzes situations and worries that I'm not doing the right thing. I've had many insecurities about being a good mom and raising Rhys well enough. I guess I had high expectations since he was my first and I was first and hit every milestone early and was always an excellent student and a very active child. I want that for Rhys, as well.

Ever since Rhys was born 5 weeks ago, I've been going back and forth as to how I want to manage his eating, sleeping, and wake times. I read numerous articles, numerous forums, What to Expect The First Year, and BabyWise; asked my mom and my friends who have babies for their experiences; and asked my aunt (who is a nurse that works with babies) and my SIL (a lactation specialist) for their advice.

At first, I noticed that by around 2 weeks old, Rhys had sort of developed his own eating pattern: 7AM, 10AM, 1PM, 4PM, 7PM, 10PM, 1AM, 4AM (give or take). So, I started to follow that very strictly the next week. I'd even wake Rhys to keep to this schedule during the day (I know, I'm terrible). But, Rhys's spit up amount hadn't decreased--he spits up at least once right after a feeding, and often he'll spit up within an hour of eating. So, I decided to take some advice and try just to do feed on demand--it was pretty similar, but with larger gaps (such as feeding at 4:45, rather than 4, but I never let him go more than 3.5 hours without feeding). Well, that didn't change the amount of poopy diapers or spit up, which means, it worked just as well as his pattern.

A few friends mentioned how young their babies slept through the night (5 hours minimum) and mentioned BabyWise. So, I read it through. I also noticed a huge negative attitude towards it online, many saying it's a terrible book because it advocates crying it out and "starving your baby" to sleep-train them, as well as the whole thing not being supported by medical journals. But, as I read it, I liked it.

The most appealing thing to me was the fact that their example schedule for a baby of Rhys's age was the same pattern that Rhys had developed on his own. Also, I didn't find that it was trying to get parents to follow a strict schedule or starve their babies at night. On page 87, it specifically says, "But what are parents supposed to manage? The short answer is the continually evolving, changing, and growing needs of their baby." They also mention to feed you baby when he is hungry, always. And they mention that when your baby is going through a growth spurt, he'll eat more; and when you are traveling, or there is some disruption, that is ok, too! To me, BabyWise had some great principles for setting up a flexible schedule. And that's what I'm doing, a flexible schedule, following Rhys's cues, but sometimes intervening. I don't want him going more than 4 hours without eating and I make sure he has at least 8 feedings in a 24 hour period.

One of the biggest pieces of advice I am following from BabyWise is the schedule of Eat-Wake-Sleep. As soon as Rhys wakes up from his naps, I feed him. Then, I try to keep him upright for a while because of his reflux. Then, we play. Sometimes I play with him, which includes tummy time and other skill training, and sometimes, he has independent play time. When Rhys has been awake for at least 50 minutes, he starts to get tired, so I put him in his bassinet and put a blanket on him so he can fall asleep. For the most part, he is very good about falling asleep on his own. Sometimes, it take 5 minutes for him to drift off. Sometimes, it takes upwards of 20 minutes. But, he's always calm (for the most part). If not, I give him a pacy and caress his head for a bit, then he'll start to drift off.

Rhys still hasn't slept through the night. The longest has been 10:30-2:30, then 3:00-6:45, and that has only happened a few nights. Most nights, he wakes up between 1-2 and then 4-5. He typically wakes up by 6:30, but Justin and I aren't ready to wake up then, so I make sure his pacy is in, pick him up, and put him in bed with us until 7. Sometimes, he won't even fall back asleep after his 4-5AM feeding, due to fussiness, so I'll put him in bed with us then, too. And it works wonders! Cuddled up to his momma and daddy, he falls right back asleep. (I'll sometimes put him in bed withe me during naps to help him sleep, too, so I guess you can say I'm a part-time co-sleeping follower.) 

BabyWise does say that by 5 weeks, he should have merged his two night-time feedings. And by 6 weeks, he should be sleeping 6 hours a night, if I have a consistent Eat-Wake-Sleep schedule with at least 7 feedings during the day. Well, I do, and he hasn't. A few of my friends babies, (a week older and week younger) are consistently sleeping through the night already! I started to get a little jealous. But, again, BabyWise states on page 161, "Do not worry that your baby is not following the plan exactly like the book describes. no baby can." And I'm just thankful that Rhys doesn't wake up at night with loud screams. He's too good of a boy for that. I wake up to fussiness and grunts, because as a new mom, I'm a light sleeper. But, sometimes, it still takes strength not to compare Rhys to other babies. He'll sleep through when he's able. What to Expect The First Year does suggest that once babies hit the "magic weight" of 11 lbs, they'll begin to sleep longer. Well, Rhys has about one pound more.

Again, I do a flexible schedule with Rhys, but with my Type A, anxiety/worry-prone personality, and being a first-time mom with huge curiosity, I bought an app called Baby Log. It's only $4.99, and totally worth it. It tracks Rhys's age, weight, lenght, and head circumference, as well as his vaccinations. It also keeps track of his feedings and how long they are, his naps, and his diaper changes. There is also an option for play time, bath time, and poo (I think that's for potty training), but I don't use those 3. 

As you can see, for the most part, Rhys has a pretty consistent schedule with some variation due to running errands, extra long naps, growth spurts, etc. With this app, and reading BabyWise, and taking advice from my aunt, SIL, and mom, I'm beginning to feel a little more confident with being a mother and managing Rhys's growth. I'm sure I'll never feel 100% confident raising a child, but I'm more confident that I've been since he was born!

Being a Mom Throws Time Management Out the Window

One of my strengths has always been my time-management. I pride myself on it and have been complemented on that skill by numerous people.

But, the past two weeks, all that has disappeared, try as I might to hold it in! 

These were my plans for the summer:

- move and 100% set up the house and keep up with the house work

- give birth and be an awesome mom

- read my baby books

- read my summer reading list

- transfer the unit plans I lost on my school computer when it died a horrible death from my unit binders back to my laptop

- finalize unit plans to sell on my Teachers Pay Teachers shop

Well, I was super naive. Like, super naive!!!

I didn't realize that I'd be breast feeding every 2-2.5 hours and that each feeding would take about 30-40 minutes! Sheesh!

Coolest thing about this picture: that is exactly how I slept as a kid--one leg crossed at the knee!

It's been a blessing to have my mom help me the past week and a half while Justin is at school and work. But, she's gone back to work, and I'm thinking, how in the world am I going to do it?

I feel I've done a pretty good job with keeping up on social media now that we have internet. The house, for the most part, stays clean, but I feel like I am constantly doing laundry--Rhys likes to pee through his diapers--, dishes, and picking up random little things! I thought I'd have plenty of time for reading, but I think, besides skimming through the baby books, I've only read about 10 pages in one of my novels in the past week! And, I haven't even started organizing/preparing my unit plans!

But, I'm learning to go with the flow, and listen to Rhys's demands, which has started to create its own routine..

Morning:

- Take advantage of Justin still being home and quickly shower/get dressed

- Read blogs while breastfeeding and catch up on social media

- Clean and chores while Rhys sleeps 

Afternoon:

- Wish I had a tablet or ebooks while feeding Rhys because I can't hold him and an actual book. So, instead, watch a movie or read articles on the internet.

- Nap while he naps

 -Tummy time

- Study the baby books

Evening

- Switch off preparing dinner with Justin

- Watch a movie with Justin as I breastfeed and as Rhys sleeps

- Take a walk with Rhys to let him soak in sunlight

-Tummy time, bath time, feed Rhys and put him and myself to bed

Night

- Feed him every 3-3.5 hours and play mind-invigorating games on my iPhone to make feedings go quicker

- Go right back to sleep when he's done, regardless of where I am in the game

Right now, during the day, we are on a 2-2.5 hour routine and at night, a 3-3.5 hour routine. Rhys is getting much better at going back to sleep and staying asleep at night. So, I am having more energy during the day. He is sloooowly getting better at waking up more during the day. Hopefully, as we .....

oh, wait...Rhys is waking up, time to feed him....

Ok, back. See, what I mean?

Hopefully, as the days continue, I'll be able to get more and more done. But, the summer is quickly wrapping up, and even though I have 4 weeks of maternity leave once the school year starts, and I'm only working part-time, it still makes me wonder exactly how much I'll be able to get done in a day....

I am slowly becoming ok with just going with the flow and not worrying about how much reading or planning I'm able to do in a day. If all I've accomplished is 1 load of laundry, 5 pages of What to Expect The First Year, and two movies on Hulu, then so be it. Regardless of the amount of productiveness, I am so happy to put all of my need-to-get-done's, and want-to-do's aside and just watch and talk to Rhys for hours on end. I love my baby boy!